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I did this very personal, I am sure will be controversial video above in response to those who are not pleased with the picture on the cover of my SistaSense In Print Magazine – of my son in a stocking cap. I received the email below a few hours ago and felt compelled to voice my opinion on this issue as I know there are others who had similar reactions. Funny enough, I did this very emotional video after an upbeat one filled with excitement around arriving to the BE Entrepreneurs event, but my day isn’t quite complete until it gets real.
Email First:
Thanks for sending me the info on Henry but I couldn’t get past the picture in the email. It upset me because I work with young black men at the career center and we must stop promoting this foolishness if we truly want to prosper and want to be taken seriously as a race. We have to start instilling certain characteristics and behaviors in our children at an early age.
A pic showcasing a young African American child wearing a doo rag/stocking cap is NOT a good look and not a professional look. I interview many men who come to job interviews wearing doo rags because they think its ok for them to be worn in public. This young man should not become accustomed to sporting this cap and it be showcased to the world because it is not acceptable in most professional environments.
I did eventually look at her stuff. I’m quite impressed but if this is a friend of yours, you should tell her about that pic. I showed it to a few of my colleagues and they agreed and that was WITHOUT my influence!
My Response:
I think I said my say in the video (lol), but I will sum it up here. When I created this magazine the first thing I wanted to do was put THAT picture on the cover because it was a reflection of us, my son and I – the little guy I work so hard for everyday. I didn’t see what others saw and honestly am saddened by the idea that this is a negative image for black people of a black child because I have devoted so much of my life to supporting and doing all things black positive.
It is my belief that we as a people need to rise above these superficial images and being fixated on fitting in to someone else’s definition of what is good and bad about black people and black culture. The focus should be on doing as I am doing, working towards building our own businesses and supporting each other so we can create generational wealth for our children. The focus needs to be on defining ourselves for ourselves and in the process not tearing others down as they push their way up because what they are doing doesn’t FIT someone else’s status quo.
We have REAL work to be done in the black community and we need to shift our focus on that. I love my family and I even had my mother say she worried about the image because of what others might think or say, but if I fixated on the limitations others set for me and my child I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. People don’t think Will Smith’s son is ghetto because he has braids? Do they? Do they think soley on these superficial grounds failing to see the amazing awesomeness that black men, black women, the black children like my son have in them without being blinded by misguided perceptions of how they appear.
A few minutes I go I spoke to my hubby who just came from a church function. He told me one young woman came in with her husband, but said she wasn’t going to come because she couldn’t afford something nice to wear. Seeing everyone dressed so nicely, she felt embarrassed and left. To that the Pastor told the congregation, “We are here to save your souls, we don’t care about what you wear.”
My hubby said to me, “I’m not going to walk around feeling embarrassed to be black or to wear urban attire. And you shouldn’t shed tears when you get comments like this because we need to stop being so fixated on the wrong things.”
You might not like the look either and I won’t fault you for your point of view BUT as for me … I’m going to focus on being true to who I am and if I can help a hand full of people do the same, I have made the most of those gifts that God has given me.
Follow up post: Is it Unprofessional to Look Like a Black Person?
Love the title! I understand your perspective and I understand the writer’s perspective also. I really am stuck in the middle. On one hand, I feel people should be able to wear what they want but on another hand I don’t think one should be allowed to wear headwear to church, school or on a job interview. In my opinion, this is the same as a woman wearing a scarf or rollers on her head out in public but in the same token we accept a woman wearing a hijab because is has cause or purpose. My point is…this is not a perfect world and as a fellow business owner, when you are trying to market your business to the masses you must become a critical thinker and analyze all marketing material by asking, “Is this a good look for my business?” and How will my target market perceive it?
Good luck! I wish you much success and I’ll continue to forward your emails to anyone I feel will benefit from your services.
Ugh!!! Some of us get it so twisted LaShanda.
Listen … I know exactly how you’re feeling but let me say this … Your level of professionalism is impeccable and your willingness to give back so others (including myself) can benefit from your lessons learned speaks volumes.
So many of us have been groomed to pursue the 9-5 hustle that we can’t even begin to fathom the pursuit of running our own or consider the notion of creating generational wealth. In this virtual space, you’re bound to cross paths those who just don’t get it and spend their lives draped in a world of negativity.
Be encouraged by those of us who appreciate, respect, and admire all that you do.
For my personal perspective, you’ve done much more than design a new website for our organization … you’ve given me back my time (and part of my life).
Pursuing your dream and managing your own business is unbelievably draining — especially when you’re still in the midst of the 9-5 grind as well. But only those who walk it, know it.
Your son is beautiful. You are beautiful. Your family represents all that is right with us.
And I’m gonna sign this.
Leontyne —
Funny you posted about the episode in church … one of my earliest memories of church is of a young woman escorted OUT OF CHURCH because she was wearing slacks. My brother and I were watching, our mouths wide open as she was physically removed. My Mother, who had attended this church since she was 4 years old rose from the choir stands, came outside and BLASTED the Deacons for doing this, and escorted the young woman back into the church. It’s a memory that has stayed with me over forty years and it absolutely colored my perception of many things.
Do doo-rags have a place in a job interview? TO me – No. **BUT** the picture on the cover is of a child, a child with his Mother and who is ANYONE to chastise and berate? Yes, society judges us harshly – but as all thing – it must be put in perspective.
A Mother who is raising a son, who has the gumption to start and maintain her own business while raising a child and maintaining a family deserves respect. Not chastisement because she chooses to put her child on a cover with a stocking cap on his head.
Hi, this is my first time posting on your site and first I want to say thanks for having such a vast amount of information available. I apologoze in advance for the length of this comment.
On to the topic at hand. When I saw the pic on your in print magazine I too felt the same way that the women in the email expressed herself. I must say that for you to be a woman that presents such a professional and postive black image that I was unpleasantly surprised when I saw that pic.
What your husband said was a great thing and he wanted to rightfully comfort his spouse but in reality we as a people, especially black professionals have a certain standard that we should uphold, not for whites but for other blacks and younger generations. When it comes to you, a woman who puts her professional image out for the world to see… you as a respresentive for your sector, have a responsibility to represent an image that will reflect that.
Our children are being coddled to the point where they are “expressing” themselves right down the drain. I can understand you allowing your son to wear his doo rag in the house and when he is going to bed because I thought the purpose was to lay the hair down. But wearing it on the front of a magazine geared towards business owners and black professionals is definitely a no no and doesnt line up with what you represent. You wanted the image to express your family, but it comes off as ghetto/low class and I am sure that was not the expression you were seeking. I know that is harsh but you put it out there for the world to see so please accept a strangers unbiased opinion. Anyone who tells you its fine for a magazine is lying.
I know you may not want to accept, it but the fact of the matter is that it doesnt look good and for exactly the reasons that were stated in the email. Whether you want to accept it or not, you put yourself out there as a human resource for professionals,you give great advice and now you have a standard you have to uphold if you want to be taken seriously.
Ultimately it is your choice but I personally would not even pick up a magazine with that image on the front, at least not in a serious manner. If you had a daughter would you take a pic with her wearing a doo rag or scarf? Anyway thanks for your site, please take your emotions out of this issue and be the objective and professional business woman that you project.
Hi Tara!
This is a great conversation! I see a few things that I see as the BIG divide within our community as it seems there are two different perspectives here. I’m interested in better understanding your position and want to ask:
What do you feel is the standard we as black people have to uphold?
“When it comes to you, a woman who puts her professional image out for the world to see… you as a respresentive for your sector, have a responsibility to represent an image that will reflect that.” – with that, what is Lashanda’s sector? Who does she represent?
What image does Lashanda as a black woman have to ensure she shows?
“But wearing it on the front of a magazine geared towards business owners and black professionals is definitely a no no and doesnt line up with what you represent. You wanted the image to express your family” – what does Lashanda represent and how does this image not line-up?
“please take your emotions out of this issue and be the objective and professional business woman that you project”.- How is the email from the reader not personal or objective itself? how is it that only Lashanda’s reaction personal in nature? Is ones view (opinions) by nature considered subjective as a default? It may come off objective in approach but it’s still an opinion and thus subjective (personal). Curious to know the difference between the email, your response and Lashanda’s reaction.
I see lots of assumptions and judgement being made but little to understand who or what this woman represents. I think it’s important to begin to questioning how we think and how we view each other and how we form opinions on others. this is a topic that is SO needed in our community as it seems to be a big divide on this. I
I completely agree with you. It is a shame that sometimes our own enemy is ourselves. Hand clap and Salute to your for standing your ground and keeping your head up. Don’t dare let them tear your lil man up either. Keep doing what ya doing.
Thank you so much for making this video, LaShanda. I love the passion in your message of black entrepreneurship + generational wealth. I was just talking to my mom about this today (we are both self-employed) about how amazing it is to now be able to create our OWN destiny instead of having to conform to someone else’s ideals of who we should be in the workplace. There is freedom in running your own business – one being the freedom to put whatever image YOU want on YOUR magazine cover! I love the picture + I love your philosophy. Peace to you + your beautiful family.
So being black and being true to who you are is now equivalent to “urban attire” and do-rags?
Who made those rules?
And why is seeing a do-rag as unacceptable “someone else’s definition of what is good or bad about black culture”? I’m black, and I think do-rags outside of the house look silly. That’s MY aesthetic judgment. That is MY definition, and no one else’s. You seem to think that somewhere in the sky someone ordained do-rags a black thing, therefore all black people should like it to remain true to themselves. I call BS.
I appreciate all the responses thus far, pro or otherwise. I have extended this conversation to a new post – because I feel for me the question now becomes is looking black, HOWEVER you define that to be, unprofessional.
https://www.sistasense.com/2011/05/is-it-unprofessional-to-look-like-a-black-person/
How many other magazines have a young black boy on the cover? Is he doing gang signs or sagging jeans? NO he is back to back with his mom the publisher. This is the exact reason i dont like to talk with anyone about viewpoints. Viewpoints are opinions and well they are both like a–h–es everyone has one. Sistasense you know how we roll keep on pushing and remain focus they hated Harriet, they hated Betty and they hate Michelle. But all the hate in the world cant stop the movement of progressive real black women taking back control of their own lives.
Thank you so much for that.
I commend you for raising your child the way you see fit. Apparently, your son has great role models who will continue to teach him what is and what is not appropriate.
My husband is a tattoo having, earing wearing black man who will have his doctorate in organizational leadership in less than 8 months. He is a respected, nationally sought after fitness professional who works with both collegiate and professional athletes but he does not wear his earrings on job interviews. I am sure your son won’t wear his do rag on one either.
Some people think it is unprofessional to wear natural natural hair. I say SCREW what they think; you do you and have your son do him – he will be a better man for it.
Thank you for being a stand up black woman.
OMG! What in the world? Why do black people always have to apologize for being black? But what’s so funny, our “SWAG” is always imitated…from our music, to our poetry, to our music, to the way we play basketball/golf/tennis – the way we talk – and to our colorful way we dress. Everything urban is cool!
AND…we are just “being ourselves.” What a sad day for a black person to send an email to tear down a sista who has done nothing but try to promote positive images and intellect via tech to thousands of black business women online all day, everyday!
I love the cover: See https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/248878_10150613211000472_853205471_18659410_300378_n.jpg
I love Lashanda! She is being real. We should all do the same. Only the bold and courageous will! Thanks Lashanda. Do YOU girl.
It’s what we love about you. That’s what made Oprah a billionaire! YOU got next!
You’re far more patient that I, LaShanda. I applaud you. You handled this with intelligence and class, but I promise…you gave it eleven minutes and four seconds more of your time than I ever would have. When it comes to feedback like that you recieved, I just chalk it up to personal opinion, and I don’t waste my time trying to justify my own actions or trying to convince people that their assumption of my action(s) was off-base. I, too, am an entrepreneur with a home based business. As black women, I’m convinced that we have to work harder and smarter than any other gender of any other race. And sadly enough, nine times out of ten, it’s not the people of other persuations that challenge us the most. I’m a full time publisher and writer, and my books are made available on the national and international market. I’m blessed in that the overwhelming majority of the feedback I get from readers is positive. But despite that, there are those who can’t (or won’t) embrace, appreciate, or even understand what I write. Sometimes readers will find fault and disagree. Sometimes they write me and share their grief about whatever they don’t like. And you know what? That’s fine. Unless they specifically ask a question that require a response, I don’t even bother to write them back. It’s their opinion, and at the end of the day, they’re entitled to it. I just say that anyone who has a problem with my writing is a person for whom God wasn’t having me to write that particular book. Plain and simple. And I feel that the same can be said as it relates to you and your magazine. For all those out there who can’t get beyond a DooRag on a kid (who is straight-up adorable, by the way)…so what? Maybe God didn’t have you create the magazine for minds as narrow as theirs. And you best believe that for every one person that takes issue, there will be dozens more who will be encouraged and empowered by your message and your life. Hold your head up high, sister. Trials come only to make us strong. Remember: This is a test…it is only a test…if it had been an actual emergency…
Dear Lashanda:
I support you and your work. I learned about your work months ago and decided just a couple of months ago that I needed to be with SisterSense. I have met very few persons concerned about helping someone other than themselves build a business. I have learned so much from you and continue to do so. Know that most will try to tear you down from jealousy but you rise above that. I must share with you that I too wear Locs (and have for 19 yrs) and will continue to do so. I am professional with my Locs. I have had many who believe that if I did not wear Locs I would have “gone further”. For me “Thru the Grace of The Creator” I will go far with my Locs b/c my determination will continue to push me forward.
Continue in your works.
Peace and Blessings,
Cheryl
Greetings. First and foremost, let me say that when I saw LaShanda recently at Black Enterprise, I made a bee line straight for her. Knew I needed to make a connection though I had just met many. The sister comes from a place of information, sharing and is all about getting to the next level. Professionalism transcends throughout her work. The magazine in question is absolutely awesome. The picture did raise not any concerns for me. But let’s come from a place of dialogue for a minute.
The person that emailed is working with and preparing young men for jobs. In jobs there is no cultural freedom. Sounds like many of these young men can take their doo rags off but life will still be limited as a certain aspect of life is embedded within. Life for them is regulated to a shame that some associate with a doo rag. However, as an entrepreneur, I’m sure LaShanda may raise her son to function in a different world, to operate in a different spectrum where there is cultural freedom. None the less, we have to have sensitivity for both sides of the dialogue. People operate from where they are until they get to where they want and/or need to be. The two universes collided for a reason. Hopefully each party responded accordingly and we shall grow from this. What have we learned?
PS: How come I didn’t know you had an affiliate program. I’m so joining right now. 🙂
LaShanda,
I shed tears with you because I realized it was much more than pain about what people say. It extends to the depths of ignorance and prejudice in within our OWN communities, in our OWN race! How foolish must we continue to be? Don’t we realize that’s part of the problem? We’ve lost ourselves in the process. The very fiber of the beauty of our culture!
I commend your message, your outlook on the truth and for the realization of being YOU! I applaud what you do, and as Pam said… DO YOU Girl! Do YOU! Keep, keeping it real! {{{Hugs}}}
Lashanda –
Congratulations for all that you do to support other women in living their dreams. In this conversation, I’m an outsider looking in, but I wanted to share my perspective and support. To do that, I have to share a little background.
I was raised in an almost 100% white community. I was also raised to know that Jesus LOVES all children regardless of color, background etc. I was raised to value the differences we all have. I was lucky. Not everyone gets that type of benefit growing up.
When I first saw the cover, I saw a very happy mother and child. What a beautiful picture. To me the picture was not contrived, but a real moment in time. To me, the picture showed empowerment to be who you are and build a business around that. I did not even think twice about what was on your son’s head.
Now, if the issue had been about interviewing etiquette and showed an older young man, I might have questioned the image. To me, it is all about context. Maybe the person that wrote in is so entrenched in trying to teach young men proper attire for interviews that everything she sees is tainted by that.
Regardless of the culture you are raised, various attire is acceptable in different venues. When I was younger, I had a pair of jeans that were quite ripped up and held together by lace. I loved those jeans and wore them everywhere. My parents raised me to understand that my attire (right or wrong) would be judged by others. So, when I went on my first job interview at 14, I wore my nicest clothes. I could speak well and was responsible and I got the job.
Little more background. My husband is black — my son is mixed. Having a mixed child brings all kinds of comments from “well meaning” people. A few years back, he wanted to grow his hair out for braids (never got far enough, he is tender headed…) In the process, he managed to grow quite the Afro – about 7 inches or so. We received all kinds of negative comments about that hair and how he should cut it. All of them from people we did not really know that also happened to be African American. I never really understood why and did not care. My son is handsome no matter how his hair is styled. He also got negative comments when it was cut low with designs cut into it. Regardless of the style he has chosen, I have required that he take care of it and walk out of the house with it combed/picked/brushed. My perspective is as long as he takes care of it, no matter the style, I’ll love him the same.
Let’s take it away from hair for a minute. A good portion of my business is public speaking. I cannot tell you the number of times I have had comments about my attire in the feedback. Both positive and negative about the same outfit from different people (usually women).
I figure there are some people that are so uncomfortable in their own skin, they feel the need to make others uncomfortable in theirs. If you fit everyone neatly into a box it is easier to deal with life. It is those shades of gray that add complexity and the need to make a choice. Some people are better at handling that diversity than others. It is not about you in those cases. It is really a reflection of how they are feeling about themselves. My response is to openly consider the point being made, but not take it personal, pray for them and move on.
To your success!
Stephanie
I hope that everyone hears the real message behind your words. Continue to be proud of yourself, your family and your son. I think the cover is beautiful. It shows an image of pure joy, love and respect; two people who are proud of themselves exactly as they are. Bravo.
You know what? I’m normally “MS Positive and com by ya” but when it comes to judgment and injustice I draw the line. The audacity of the email is amazing. I see that she did not direct to YOU but to a friend. I wonder if she would say this to you personally? I’m appalled by this b/c I’m tired of black people summing up who we are supposed to be by what we wear or how we act. Like “Black” is supposed to show up in one way and one way only! If the men she counsels (which I applaud her for her work and commitment to helping as I trust she’s changing lives) all “look” this way, it has very little to do with their look as it is their circumstances, selfesteem etc. Men (and women) where doo-rags for many reasons! Some wear it as a sign of style, others to simply cover up their hair! Either way so what! I’m sure you are raising Chris to be a fine young black man who will be responsible, intelligent, and a transformational figure in our society, if he does it in a dang on do so the hell what!
I do agree that how we carry ourselves and even how we dress does have an affect on perception and our self worth HOWEVER who is to say a certain look for a black man is what is needed to determine self worth. I wonder if her work with this population has distorted her view on black expression and even beauty. If all the negative you see in black males comes dressed in a doo-rag I’m sure you will always association doo-rags with some negative connotation. Just as those who considered dreads to be associated with something unclean or unearthly.
Chris is often in a doo-rag READING A book! Sharing in his mother’s journey through entrepreneurship, spending time with his black father (who is there taking care of his family) and many other POSITIVE things, if anything dispelling the myths about doo-rags.
I haven’t even watched your video yet but will do it now. I saw the tears in you eyes and I hate that! Girl keep doing YOU! Period!
Thanks for a powerful statement on how we as Blacks, are sometimes our own worst enemy. I wish I could say that your message will bring sweeping change. But at almost 60 yrs old, I know that’s not likely. But you have made a powerful impact on those who heard you and I, for one, will share your message with my peeps – online and off (including my 7 yr old niece)!
When I was young, success was focused on finding a job working for someone and climbing the corporate ladder. I did that and lived to tell that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Now I understand the value of having your own business and am grateful to have entrepreneur role models like you.
I know the current situation is troubling. But if I can share a little of the wisdom that’s come with my years it’s: Don’t sweat the small stuff – or the small people.
Here’s to staying comfortable in your own skin:-) Bless you LaShanda and I’ll be a frequent visitor here at Sista Sense.
Karen
Ok I’m 5:52 into the video and you just preached! OMG I really and truly feel the same way. When your goal is to walk a path that was pavved by others (who don’t have your best interest at heart) then sure I’m certain Dreads and doorags don’t look right for us. but you are focus on pavving a way that was started by our forefathers who fought for us to be viewed by the content of our character, then you create your own path, your OWN jobs, your OWN wealth, and carry your OWN image. Hell you can even create your OWN network if you’re Oprah Winfrey, but the point is, teach our kids to be leaders, to carry forth what “our” forefathers fought SO hard for during the civil right movement, and before and after. The point is to love, be who you are. Create you own path, teach our kids about SELF LOVE, not “Group thinking” My kids, Lashanda’s child may not be on the same path other kids may be on. If you are raising your child be fit in the fold then ok , no doorags, fit a image, ok I get it. But if you are raising your kids to be trailblazers, mohawk, doorag, whatever as long as you know WHO and WHOSE you are. Blaze your OWN Trail, Know YOUR worth, be proud of who YOU are, and speak to YOUR audeince. The “non-doo-rag likers” may not be your audience, that’s fine, but share the link so others can be “intrigued” by the magazine, buy it and help continue this Black woman’s journey to excellence!
I remember Oprah shared how she was told when she worked in Baltimore that she needed a nose job and to fix her hair in order to anchor the news. Needless to say she left Baltimore and moved to Chicago.
When I first saw that picture I thought it was a beautiful representation of what is important in your life. Keep doing what you do LaShanda.
I honestly must say that when I first saw the image of your son in a stocking cap, it did conjure up certain images and ideas about you and your son; however, it is my belief that that’s a natural reaction when we live in a world that is full of stereotypes and one that is so racially biased/ divided. I must be honest, and say that I am guilty of making the same cognitive connections to certain visual images.
However, that single image did not stop me from further exploring your website, discovering what a truly talented, educated, and real person you are, and furthermore, reaching out to you. Obviously, it did not stop that woman from getting the true message that she needed to get from your website either.
In conclusion, your decision to use that particular picture on the cover of your magazine, conveys a very powerful message, perhaps one more powerful than you intended. Being Black, being talented, being successful, is a more much diverse experience than many of us can envision. In my opinion, your decision to use the photo only broadens our perspectives, and challenges us to reconsider what it means to black, educated, successful.
I just recently discovered your website, and can already say that I am inspired. Thank you.
Dear LaShanda,
I looked at your picture before seeing this video and my first thought was what a happy and beautiful family. He is just a child, I can’t understand the reasoning for that email other than that woman is so caught up in her agenda that she didn’t see past it. Keep doing what you are doing. I know the positive messages you receive on a daily basis have to override the few negative and ignorant ones. I am so happy I found your site today. ~Lisa
Thank you Lisa for the kind words and support! We just have to remain positive and keep moving forward. -lh
Hi LaShanda,
I think it’s great that you are doing what you are doing. I have only been a reader to your blog for a cople of months and think it’s awsome what you have started and have accomplished. Please, Please, continue doing what you are doing because the younger sista’s of color are reading it “like me”, and forward it by email to their other sista girlfriend’s so that they also can read your words to share and have a conversation. It’s nice to see a woman of color love her son the way you expressed on your cover magazine because it’s not seen everyday and also, it’s encouraging to others to see this.